Hello Lovely,

My little lump is camped out on my chest as usual. I'm supposed to be giving everything to her in these first months of her little life but instead she has been such a comfort to me through these weeks of transition. No matter what kind of day we've had she's always camped out on my chest every night like a little tadpole. 

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The loneliness is setting in. Moving from IL to MN has nothing on this move to SC. I literally feel God is carrying me through or I would be curled up in a ditch somewhere. The sermon at church was about Jesus sending his disciples ahead of him into the storm and I was thinking "well I'm not really in a storm"....are you kidding me Heidi? Of course you're in a storm. It may not be tragedy or trial but it certainly is a storm. The thing is... I'm not strong. I'm not brave. I'm not making it. But I serve a God who carries me through. I don't say that to be cliche, but here I was literally sitting on the couch and I could not for the life of me make a decision to go to the beach with my family or grocery shopping at Target.

Seems like a no brainer but I realized in that moment I'm really not surviving at all.

I. am. not but it is God in me that drove the 22 hours across country and got out of bed every day the last 3 weeks and been any kind of good mama to my kids.

God is so faithful and it's His grace that has protected me from falling apart.

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I wouldn't have the strength to take my kids on outings to the library or the pool or go to the beach with my family. I would be curled up in that ditch crying because this is too hard. I would be having a pity party by myself because no one should have to make this transition with an infant and no friends. I just wanted to write you today because I'm lonely. There I said it. It would be fun if you were a real pen pal. Maybe you're lonely too. Well, you're not alone. I'm here my friend telling you it's easy to look put together and pretend to be strong, but it's ok to finally admit we need Jesus.

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This is what a grace covered mama looks like. 

I could be crying in a ditch riding out this storm (and would be) OR I can let Jesus carry me through. He didn't say "go to the beach with your family and be full of energy,"  He just said "get up and go and trust I'm taking care of you". Not all my letters will be droopy, but if you want to be my friend through this journey you'll see it all. 

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I'm tired of trying to hold it together and be strong.

I'm tired of striving to be the perfect mom.

I'm tired of whiny kids.

Jesus I need Your grace to cover me and transform my family.

I can bee brave but I need You holding my hand.

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I sure have a new deeper level of compassion for any mama who moves out of state and my prayer is to always be alert to the struggles others are facing. Six moves in six years, 3 different states has really stretched me to be aware of what others may be walking through.

Lord, open our eyes to see others the way you see them. 

Soften our hearts to reach out and show love and compassion. 

Let us be a comfort in the storms. May we reach out to 

the lonely, the bruised and the broken. 

May our home be filled with Your love that's as sweet as honey 

so we may show grace, forgiveness and kindness to all who enter.

Let us be brave in the storms of life so we will cling tight to You

and grow our faith.

Amen. 

Love,

From the Island 

Letter #4 Bee Brave in authenticity