It happened to me.

It happened to me. I'm just a regular girl raised in the fine state of Illinois. Silly, goofy, regular girl.

It was the summer before my Freshman year of high school. I am VERY nervous to share this but after recently learning a teenage friend of mine has experienced this “shameful” thing in her life, I realized it’s yet another topic people don’t talk about or face. It makes me wonder how many young girls are scared to TELL someone.

It was the summer before my Freshman year of high school. I was molested by a swim coach. There I said it.

I was 14 years old and I wasn’t a naïve 14 year old either, but during this summer, I had more MIXED EMOTIONS than I’ve ever experienced in my life. Part of me liked the attention from an older guy, part of me enjoyed the thrill, but the bigger part of me wanted him to STOP. For a quick second I was caught in the thrill and then I was snapped to reality of wanting him to stop and then I was too SCARED to tell him to stop and then my head was spinning and before I could make the spinning in my head stop, he took his hands off me.

And then I felt an overwhelming shame and guilt. Did I bring this on myself? Did I flirt with him? Did I give him a signal I wanted to be touched?

It was like he was trying to see how much he could get away with before I stopped him or someone caught him. He would sneak a touch while we were with friends, he would sneak a touch behind the Head Coach’s back, he even convinced me to go for a drive.

NO! NO! NO! No No No. I felt like I was at the bottom of a well screaming NO and no one heard me. But then thoughts would go through my mind “That feels good. Ooh an older guy likes me. Oh, I bet my friends are jealous” And then I would feel MORE guilt for thinking that.

My dear, sweet friend, it took me TEN YEARS to realize it is NOT MY FAULT.  I did NOTHING to bring that on myself. It was ALL him and his lack of self-control, and sick, warped thoughts. 

I kept it a SECRET all through high school. I put it in a box in the back of my mind and left it to collect dust.

Accept it came back up in college. I was dating a good man who respected me, and I couldn’t let him come near me. I wondered what was wrong and why old feelings were coming back. Slowly, I found the courage to tell my parents and they got me help. My parents, my boyfriend at the time, and my counselor walked me through that difficult memory that was affecting my ability to love.

A gentle touch from a boyfriend in appropriate places will leave you feeling loved.

A quick touch from a coach in inappropriate places will leave you feeling branded.

Ladies of beauty….. accessorize yourselves in strength and dignity and boldness to protect your body, protect the wonderful person God created you to be. You are worth protecting. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God knew you in your mother’s womb and He made you uniquely you before you were born (Jeremiah 1:5). No man, uncle, brother, friend or coach has the right to touch you in places you should not be touched.

God has a special place in His heart for girls. YOU are His special girl, His special princess. We reflect His beauty while men reflect His strength. Let’s be women of courage who say NO when we’re uncomfortable.

My sweet friend please hear me, God fully restored me with help from friends and family. He took all those thorns out and made me beautiful. I am happily married and in love with my husband, and it’s literally bringing tears to my eyes how badly I desire that for you. Tell someone your secret.