Crickets

 

"C is for Cricket. The Cricket likes to hide under things. It makes noise by rubbing its wings together. Isn't it fun to listen to lots of Crickets at night?"

 I was reading The Icky Bug Alphabet book to my babe and I realized I don't sit and listen enough. It is fun to listen to the crickets and we need to slow down and listen. So I sat on my back porch after the boys were down for the night and I just listened to the crickets chirping and it was fun. I forgot how fun it is to be still without kids buzzing around. I think the assumption is that stay home moms of two boys are busy and chaotic but not true, at least for me. Sure my 2 yo is a busy bee all day long exploring and learning, but I have plenty of time to slow down. 

I just don't slow down and... listen.

When I do slow down it's to take a shower or eat lunch. I don't put God first. I don't put my focus on him. I put the focus on me and what I want to do and I'm learning how that's a form of PRIDE. When we are focused on ME that is pride. When we are drawing attention to ME that is pride. We crave compliments, we compare to others perfect lives, we force success or feel we aren't being productive. That's all a form of pride.
I think that's why it's such a struggle now in our world of tattoos and selfie sticks and media to not think about ME all the time. We want things for our pleasure and success, and forget our part in God's plan.We don't want to slow down and listen because that means we have to listen to God and He might tell us how prideful we're being with our kids or prideful with our husband or maybe we're just posting too many selfies, who knows. But I do know yelling at my sweet babe is not cool and it's pride that I need to confess and surrender. I know that my pride comes out in bad attitudes toward my ever patient, loving husband. I know my pride comes out in crazy negative self talk, sometimes even anxiety attacks. Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about but you don't take the time to listen to the crickets and recognize your own pride.

This morning I was woken up by my two sweet faces staring me in the face. As much as I love their crazy morning hair and crumpled pjs and sleepy eyes, I knew it was going to be an interesting morning. My FIRST FOCUS wasn't on Jesus or slowing down to listen. My focus was on the boys, oatmeal, racing out the door by 8am and so I started the day with a short fuse. I didn't have a chance to rest in Jesus and ask for patience for the day. My 2yo was screaming and crabbing, and he wouldn't eat. I snapped. I grabbed his bowl and just threw it in the garbage. Where is this ANGER coming from I wondered all day? 

It's coming from pride. 

We all have a reason why we're prideful or fearful. We need to control something because we feel out of control in another area.  But I look at the Hibiscus that grows in our backyard and it dies every night. I pick off the dead parts every morning and they BLOOM again every day. Dying and blooming. Dying and blooming. Everyday. 

We are to die to ourselves, humble ourselves, recognize our pride and let God bloom us again.

Slow down. Sip your coffee. Listen to the birds in the morning or the crickets at night.

And then LISTEN to God speaking. HE does speak. I'm not here to draw attention to my flaws for sympathy or craving affirmation, I'm here to bring pride into the light and surrender wrong thinking so Jesus can help me overcome these areas. We ALLL struggle with pride in some form but rarely talk about dying to ourselves. 

Jesus came so that we may have LIFE and ENJOY life. God is in no hurry, He's not impatient, He enjoys His creation, He takes it in and basks in it, and He wants us to enjoy it too.  

What is your biggest fear that is coming out in the form of pride? 

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