I'll
put it out there right up front. Let this be a read where you can
safely agree or disagree or think about something new. Let's let it be
ok to talk about a tough topic. Mamas love to share their birth stories,
don't we?
This is not a birth story, but it is about birth.
I can't go on any longer without bringing up this topic to talk about. It has come up in conversations too much with women in all different seasons of life and it just breaks my heart to hear this fear that keeps coming out. There is so much fear surrounding birth.
Period. End of story.
Except it's not the end. It's only the beginning.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
My journey with birth has certainly been an interesting, eye opening, huge learning curve.
When I was pregnant with my first, I was crippled with fear and didn't even realize it. I always thought sure I would love to be a mom "one day" and then that "one day" happened and I was actually pregnant, and the fear I had built up over my lifetime swooshed in like a raging tidal wave. I wasn't thinking about actually being a mom. All I could think about was growing a child inside me that I couldn't actually see or how that child would come out of a tiny canal or all the awful words surrounding birth- ie. tearing, ripping, breech, labor, contractions, screaming, sweating, etc etc, everything we see on tv and hear from friends.
What I've learned through my personal journey is God made women's bodies to be so perfectly, beautifully designed to go through the birth process the way it was originally intended and we should be trying to avoid C-sections and epidurals at all cost IF there is a choice. I researched, I watched documentaries, I talked to women and the common conclusion I kept making was we shouldn't WANT a C-section, we shouldn't CHOOSE it if we have a choice. It's an option for those crisis situations or high-risk pregnancies, but it should never be something we go straight to in order to avoid the pain. There was a time when I wouldn't listen to anyone about NOT taking an epidural and what I've learned is we shouldn't WANT epidurals, we shouldn't WANT to avoid the unknown pain.
Why are we so afraid of pain?
There's no way to avoid the pain, but if we prepare for it and get relaxed, we can trust our body will miraculously take over. The safest route is to be excited to endure every joy AND every kind of discomfort in each trimester.
We can't truly know the unknown until we face it.
In my first delivery, I did everything the hospital told me to do. I ignorantly said yes to everything and took every drug to avoid that unknown pain. The epidural wore off right during transition and my body was in shock. Instead of facing my fear and preparing for birth over 9 months, I had to experience all of it all at once. So in my second delivery, I said no to pain meds but the hospital still told me I needed to be induced and I needed pitocin (aka the drug straight from the pit of hell) so I ignorantly went along with it.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Doctors see the worst cases every day and they can't always clearly see the mother and the beautiful design of birth. Doctors tend to have a lens that can be negative and tainted by their medical perspective. They believe they know best what the mom needs or how the baby should be delivered and because we are caught up in the unknown we tend to listen to them.
I certainly didn't know any different so I immediately went straight to an epidural, to avoid the pain, to close my ears, to deny the reality of this terrifying experience doomed to happen. I may have appeared strong but I put up a wall just to survive. Denial? Doomed to happen? Survive? Those shouldn't be in our thoughts during delivery.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
All my fear is gone.
God in His great compassion has sent me women who see birth through a completely different lens than fear. They see it as the beautiful experience that it was meant to be, our bodies working the way they were meant to work.
Do horrible scenarios happen? Yes. And we are thankful for the medical field in those 3% scenarios but what I'm saying is there's truly nothing to fear. I've met too many women who are fear driven to a C-section or fear driven to avoid the pain with an epidural or fear driven to do whatever the hospital suggests is best. We don't want to put our babies at risk in any way so we immediately go straight to the "safe" route.
There's a reason God designed pregnancy to be 9 months the way He did and the hours of labor and the moments of transition and the seconds of pushing. It's all to create a lifelong bond between a mother and a child. No matter how we become a mom whether by adopting or surrogacy or birth, God designed the struggle, the long road, so we would develop the deepest kind of love for our daughter that would keep pushing us on each day to raise that daughter to become strong, lovely, brave and beautiful.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The long road is not to be feared. It's to be enjoyed and savored.
The pain is not to be feared. It's to be embraced.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
If you're hoping to get pregnant or you secretly fear being pregnant, I'm urging you to want the pain, want the heartache, want the struggle, want the long road, just want it because you want to experience one of God's greatest joys in this life of loving a child.
When there's any hint of fear in you or lack of trust in God's design for birth then you will do whatever you're told to do.
I'm on my third and I am so ready and so excited because I know there is nothing to fear. The birth may not go as I hope, crisis does happen, but I have finally come to a place of peace and joy, and I have found my voice to protect motherhood and push off medical.
>>>Birth is not a medical procedure<<<
I'm grateful for each painful movement and I'm not scared for labor to kick in and I'm eager for contractions to pick up and transition to get intense because at the end of pushing I will meet this little Cora girl who has already captured my heart for life.
What scares me now is raising her in this culture but that's for another day ;)
I know the unknown can be scary, believe me I know, but I encourage you to truly, genuinely pray and search your own heart and face why you don't want to endure pregnancy or why you would never adopt or why you have no desire to be a mother. God sent His own son as a sacrifice for our sin so we could be adopted into His family. Who are we to be above that and to say No Thanks to one of God's greatest gifts of motherhood.
Being a mom is a gift, it's just plain wonderful.
Open your heart to accepting the gift.
Agree? Disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts!!
Except it's not the end. It's only the beginning.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
My journey with birth has certainly been an interesting, eye opening, huge learning curve.
When I was pregnant with my first, I was crippled with fear and didn't even realize it. I always thought sure I would love to be a mom "one day" and then that "one day" happened and I was actually pregnant, and the fear I had built up over my lifetime swooshed in like a raging tidal wave. I wasn't thinking about actually being a mom. All I could think about was growing a child inside me that I couldn't actually see or how that child would come out of a tiny canal or all the awful words surrounding birth- ie. tearing, ripping, breech, labor, contractions, screaming, sweating, etc etc, everything we see on tv and hear from friends.
What I've learned through my personal journey is God made women's bodies to be so perfectly, beautifully designed to go through the birth process the way it was originally intended and we should be trying to avoid C-sections and epidurals at all cost IF there is a choice. I researched, I watched documentaries, I talked to women and the common conclusion I kept making was we shouldn't WANT a C-section, we shouldn't CHOOSE it if we have a choice. It's an option for those crisis situations or high-risk pregnancies, but it should never be something we go straight to in order to avoid the pain. There was a time when I wouldn't listen to anyone about NOT taking an epidural and what I've learned is we shouldn't WANT epidurals, we shouldn't WANT to avoid the unknown pain.
Why are we so afraid of pain?
There's no way to avoid the pain, but if we prepare for it and get relaxed, we can trust our body will miraculously take over. The safest route is to be excited to endure every joy AND every kind of discomfort in each trimester.
We can't truly know the unknown until we face it.
In my first delivery, I did everything the hospital told me to do. I ignorantly said yes to everything and took every drug to avoid that unknown pain. The epidural wore off right during transition and my body was in shock. Instead of facing my fear and preparing for birth over 9 months, I had to experience all of it all at once. So in my second delivery, I said no to pain meds but the hospital still told me I needed to be induced and I needed pitocin (aka the drug straight from the pit of hell) so I ignorantly went along with it.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Doctors see the worst cases every day and they can't always clearly see the mother and the beautiful design of birth. Doctors tend to have a lens that can be negative and tainted by their medical perspective. They believe they know best what the mom needs or how the baby should be delivered and because we are caught up in the unknown we tend to listen to them.
I certainly didn't know any different so I immediately went straight to an epidural, to avoid the pain, to close my ears, to deny the reality of this terrifying experience doomed to happen. I may have appeared strong but I put up a wall just to survive. Denial? Doomed to happen? Survive? Those shouldn't be in our thoughts during delivery.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
All my fear is gone.
God in His great compassion has sent me women who see birth through a completely different lens than fear. They see it as the beautiful experience that it was meant to be, our bodies working the way they were meant to work.
Do horrible scenarios happen? Yes. And we are thankful for the medical field in those 3% scenarios but what I'm saying is there's truly nothing to fear. I've met too many women who are fear driven to a C-section or fear driven to avoid the pain with an epidural or fear driven to do whatever the hospital suggests is best. We don't want to put our babies at risk in any way so we immediately go straight to the "safe" route.
There's a reason God designed pregnancy to be 9 months the way He did and the hours of labor and the moments of transition and the seconds of pushing. It's all to create a lifelong bond between a mother and a child. No matter how we become a mom whether by adopting or surrogacy or birth, God designed the struggle, the long road, so we would develop the deepest kind of love for our daughter that would keep pushing us on each day to raise that daughter to become strong, lovely, brave and beautiful.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The long road is not to be feared. It's to be enjoyed and savored.
The pain is not to be feared. It's to be embraced.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
If you're hoping to get pregnant or you secretly fear being pregnant, I'm urging you to want the pain, want the heartache, want the struggle, want the long road, just want it because you want to experience one of God's greatest joys in this life of loving a child.
When there's any hint of fear in you or lack of trust in God's design for birth then you will do whatever you're told to do.
I'm on my third and I am so ready and so excited because I know there is nothing to fear. The birth may not go as I hope, crisis does happen, but I have finally come to a place of peace and joy, and I have found my voice to protect motherhood and push off medical.
>>>Birth is not a medical procedure<<<
I'm grateful for each painful movement and I'm not scared for labor to kick in and I'm eager for contractions to pick up and transition to get intense because at the end of pushing I will meet this little Cora girl who has already captured my heart for life.
What scares me now is raising her in this culture but that's for another day ;)
I know the unknown can be scary, believe me I know, but I encourage you to truly, genuinely pray and search your own heart and face why you don't want to endure pregnancy or why you would never adopt or why you have no desire to be a mother. God sent His own son as a sacrifice for our sin so we could be adopted into His family. Who are we to be above that and to say No Thanks to one of God's greatest gifts of motherhood.
Being a mom is a gift, it's just plain wonderful.
Open your heart to accepting the gift.
Agree? Disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts!!
Every woman and first time mom needs to read "Birth Matters" by: Ina May Gaskins
Well written Heidi!! I have the same opinion that God made our bodies to grow our babies and deliver them as naturally as possible. For years women gave birth naturally, and in many cultures alone. I couldn't imagine doing it alone because a great support system is one of the keys to success in a natural delivery for me.
ReplyDeleteI have a slightly opposite experience of yours. I had a great first pregnancy with a natural birth and I couldn't have asked for it to go any better. I'm currently 35 weeks along in my second pregnancy and am more scared this time for a natural birth than I was the first time. The biggest fear: that this labor & delivery won't be as smooth as the first. I've finally reached a point that I have acknowledged this fear from Satan. I need to lean on God and to mentally get where I was the first pregnancy to have a successful natural birth. God only gives us what we can handle. We were created for natural births. I can't wait!!
Enjoy your natural birth and the beautiful experience it is.
Thanks for sharing! I'm glad you enjoyed the read. You got this mama! The second time around you'll be even more relaxed and more excited as the day approaches.. Enjoy every intense moment of the process!!
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