Saturday, December 7, 2013

Relationships are beautifully messy.

A lifelong best friend, you can't put into words why or how you're so close,
like sisters.

Relationships are beautifully messy.
People are messy.
We are like artichokes with lots of layers to peel away before we get to the heart. And when we finally get to the heart, we discover something golden or something rotten. A good friend takes the time to peel away the layers and get to the heart of the person.
So what is it about relationships that make them last forever while others are seasonal; some grow apart and some breakup?

Trust and Consistency. Acceptance and Love. 

Jesus was our perfect example of a good friend, but we are still human and we have all experienced hurt in relationships in some way. Some of us come from broken families, divorced parents, abusive brothers, and the trust we're supposed to have in the people who are supposed to love us the most is broken. Some of us had a best friend in elementary school who decided one day we are now her enemy, a friend in middle school who made fun of us in front of everyone, or a friend in high school who betrayed us and our ability to trust others gets harder and harder. We may have had a boyfriend who left us to marry another woman, a boyfriend who tore us down emotionally, a boyfriend who walked away when he didn't get what he wanted and our view on relationships becomes more jaded.

We can turn to Jesus and he can build us back up everyday. But we are still imperfect people who offer an imperfect friendship. Relationships are beautifully messy because a true friend is someone who will love and accept us IN our mess.

I've had the privilege of knowing some very true friends throughout my life.
Friends I can say whatever I need to say to them and they will just look at me and
see my heart.
A husband I can cry all my confusions out to and he just holds me.
Relationships are messy but the true ones are out there, sometimes just rare to find.
Think about the relationships in your life. . . are they true, life-giving friends or draining, life-sucking friends?

Life-giving friends strive to reflect Jesus' example of a true friend. They strive to protect, give love, stay faithful, show humility, offer strength and share encouragement.
They extend forgiveness.
They call you out of the blue just to say hi and listen, send a note in the mail, bring soup when you're sick or let you cry when you're all tangled up. They see the best in you even when you don't see it in yourself. They accept you for who you are. You feel strong and encouraged when you walk away from that friendship.

Life-sucking friendships are draining. They're selfish, rude, boastful, proud, easily angered. impatient, and discouraging.
Their heart is unforgiving.



I share these examples for no one in particular, but to bring about discussion of what kind of friend we are being and what a true friend looks like.
Sometimes to be a true friend to someone or to our family or spouse, we have to clear away all the tangles and be a friend in the mess. There you will find the beauty. Sometimes it's sitting right in the center of the mess just to show them we are with them and we aren't going anywhere.
A life-sucking friend would look at the mess and walk away.
A life-giving friend would plop down Indian style and sit with you.

If we want to strive to reflect Jesus' example of friendship, we aren't going to be perfect friends like he was and we aren't going to love perfectly like he did. We are going to hurt a friend and sometimes be hurt,  at times tear them down or break the trust; because we are imperfect, flawed people, we have to seek forgiveness and build the trust back up, let it go and move on.


Isn't it so refreshing to have life-giving friendships?
Who are those people in your life?

Are YOU that friend to others?

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