..Bee Lovely..
I'm just going tell it real here.
The spiritual world is very real.
What do you see when you look at me in pictures or read my blogs? I hope I never come across as fake or seem like I have it all together. No one does. Maybe some fake it better than others. 9 out of 10 days I really am content and trying to respond to life's struggles happily. Then there are those 1 out of 10 days that happen and when they do, satan has a crazy foothold on me. Call me crazy but it's very real and I'm not going to be ashamed to share because there is HOPE at the end of this story.
So this ugly day that happened, and ugly is the best word to describe it, I was awful. I was yelling at traffic, I was screaming at my husband, I had so much emotion flooding up in me I felt uncontrollable. I genuinely believed the lies that I wasn't good enough, I would never measure up, I was better off just disappearing and people in my life were better off not knowing me. It's a very real, very scary wave of emotions that takes over. I then find the need to "punish" myself. When I was younger it was cutting myself, now it's just curling up and sleeping. It's quite the pathetic, sad scene. All my husband knows to do is pray over me. I was shaking and crying and are you scared off yet?!? I know a lot of people have no idea why anyone would want to commit suicide and I'm not to that end; I believe I'll never do that, but God in His great mercy pulled me back from the edge of irrational and He will help me overcome these dark days. But I share this because behind every "facebook moment" is a real story, real struggle, and sometimes real ugliness. But the HOPE is we don't have to do it alone and there is freedom.
He longs for me to be free in Him, free to enjoy the pleasures of life, free to love others.
We aren't meant to be trapped in sin and struggle. There is freedom in Christ. He already died on the cross so we could have it. We just have to pray for it and ask for it.
The HOPE in all this is God audibly spoke to me late one night. He said, "Heidi, Bee Lovely" and He even added the extra "e" for emphasis. BE Lovely.
Lovely
Being gentle
Being a blessing to others
Being an honorable wife
Being free in marriage
Being kind
Being peace
Being slow to speak
Being a mom who works hard
Being a woman who loves herself
Being in a rich, deep, purple relationship with God.
(1 Peter 3)
I truly believe God made me for a purpose. He made me to love my family. He made me to be a blessing. He made me to beeee lovely. And if He made me to be that then He made YOU to be that too.
BE BRAVE my Lovely friend and share your struggle with a girlfriend, ask for prayer, find the freedom you long to have and go BEE... Lovely!!!
I'm just going tell it real here.
The spiritual world is very real.
What do you see when you look at me in pictures or read my blogs? I hope I never come across as fake or seem like I have it all together. No one does. Maybe some fake it better than others. 9 out of 10 days I really am content and trying to respond to life's struggles happily. Then there are those 1 out of 10 days that happen and when they do, satan has a crazy foothold on me. Call me crazy but it's very real and I'm not going to be ashamed to share because there is HOPE at the end of this story.
So this ugly day that happened, and ugly is the best word to describe it, I was awful. I was yelling at traffic, I was screaming at my husband, I had so much emotion flooding up in me I felt uncontrollable. I genuinely believed the lies that I wasn't good enough, I would never measure up, I was better off just disappearing and people in my life were better off not knowing me. It's a very real, very scary wave of emotions that takes over. I then find the need to "punish" myself. When I was younger it was cutting myself, now it's just curling up and sleeping. It's quite the pathetic, sad scene. All my husband knows to do is pray over me. I was shaking and crying and are you scared off yet?!? I know a lot of people have no idea why anyone would want to commit suicide and I'm not to that end; I believe I'll never do that, but God in His great mercy pulled me back from the edge of irrational and He will help me overcome these dark days. But I share this because behind every "facebook moment" is a real story, real struggle, and sometimes real ugliness. But the HOPE is we don't have to do it alone and there is freedom.
He longs for me to be free in Him, free to enjoy the pleasures of life, free to love others.
We aren't meant to be trapped in sin and struggle. There is freedom in Christ. He already died on the cross so we could have it. We just have to pray for it and ask for it.
The HOPE in all this is God audibly spoke to me late one night. He said, "Heidi, Bee Lovely" and He even added the extra "e" for emphasis. BE Lovely.
Lovely
Being gentle
Being a blessing to others
Being an honorable wife
Being free in marriage
Being kind
Being peace
Being slow to speak
Being a mom who works hard
Being a woman who loves herself
Being in a rich, deep, purple relationship with God.
(1 Peter 3)
I truly believe God made me for a purpose. He made me to love my family. He made me to be a blessing. He made me to beeee lovely. And if He made me to be that then He made YOU to be that too.
BE BRAVE my Lovely friend and share your struggle with a girlfriend, ask for prayer, find the freedom you long to have and go BEE... Lovely!!!
Those who are wise-
the people of God-
shall shine as brightly as the sun's brilliance.
Daniel 12:3
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