Coffee and Lipstick

 Ladies, have any of you gone to Target braless? 

I did!!! I am right now for the first time!!! And it is so freeing and exhilarating!!!

Not just because I have no bra elastic pulling on my skin but because my mind needed some freedom today. 

Ya know, sometimes life just really doesn't make sense at all no matter how we try to control it or make sense of it, it just doesn't. The "mommy mind" battle, maybe you can relate. I have felt so trapped in my mind during this season of waiting. We're waiting for this unknown amount of time for our house to close and I wonder if it will ever close. I wonder what God's timing and reasoning is. I wonder what His plan is for all this unknown as I battle daily trying to take care of my family, cook for them, do their dishes, give baths, do laundry, adjust to having two babies, while still loving my husband, and having quiet time with the Lord seems like an impossibility, accept I'm NOT doing those things. We're sharing space with my in-law's and they are doing most of the work. 

Guilt sets in quick and I have to fight it off fast.

Friends, I'm a mommy who is NOT doing it all. I am barely holding it together and

 I should be able to, right?

Although I am SO so grateful for my in-law's welcoming generosity, it's not my space, it's not my house, it's not my kitchen. I literally feel pulled in 8 different directions wanting to do all these things for my family but not doing them. This mind battle fights it out daily. One side is so grateful for the break and the time away to spend secluded with my sweet family. The other side feels guilt for accepting all this help. And then I am my worst enemy in the battle and experience emotions of insecurity, can I not handle being a new mom to two? Can I not take care of my own family? Do I really need all this help? Am I helpless and incapable? Why in the world am I starting a new Jamberry business in the midst of all this? Am I nuts? Can anyone relate at all? 

MMmmmm this Pumpkin bread and Salted Caramel Mocha tastes so delicious on this cold, Fall afternoon!!! 

I am REALLY trying today to see the blessing in all this unknown and CHOOSING thankfulness when I don't feel like being thankful. IT is SO hard to humble myself and accept other people's help and I begin to attack myself for being lazy or incapable. I mean aren't we moms supposed to "do it all"? I mean I know that's a ridiculous lie but I'm still a mom who is human and still falls into that lie. What is God trying to show me in this?

So I got myself up this morning, put on my shirt with NO BRA and headed out to Target for a mommy break with my little Zaney boy strapped on because an anonymous friend sent me a gift card to go treat myself in this unknown, confusing, difficult season of waiting. 

See ladies, THAT is how God provides. He gives us a break. I can SEE that blessing. I understand God cares about little ol' me and my mommy sanity. He cares enough to nudge someone to send me a gift card so I can buy a coffee and lipstick and He cares enough to give me a mommy break, freedom away from my mind battle and for that,

 I am deeply thankful.

He cares about the details of our lives.

I am so in love with my little blue babies and the mommy in me wants to be able to "do it all" and be everything to all three of my boys. I want to help with expenses, I want to run a business, I want to create our home, I want to spend time in the Bible every morning, I want to take a shower before noon but maybe God is showing me. . . .

. . . . I CAN'T do it all?

All God asks is for me to be faithful in being me and that's enough. 

"Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am FREE

 Holiness is Christ in me"