Deflated Mommy

I feel like a deflated balloon (well physically more like a balloon ready to pop, but emotionally like a balloon that spewed out its last ounce of air). Life as a mom to a 1 year old and a new baby coming in 5 weeks feels a lot like blowing up a balloon and then letting it fly through the room. 

I can't focus on anything. I can't even squeeze in the simple task of a shower some days. My brain is fuzzed.
Am I the only mom that feels this way? 

There were seasons of my life when I felt so close to God, when I spent hours in prayer and reading the Word. I had so much energy to face anything. All I wanted to do was listen to worship music and stay in the sweetness of feeling close to God. I spent 6 years of college living in what Christians like to call the "bubble" where I wasn't worried about bills, college debt, the health of my kids, waiting on the impossible house, or being a great wife. I was blissfully trapped in the "bubble" of dreaming of all the things to come, naively fantasizing about adventures of the future and had more single-hood free time than I knew what to do with. It was wonderful, but it was also not reality. I was driven, I was focused, I knew what I was fighting for and then reality hit. 

Why does it seem like when we're young and carefree that we have all this zest for life and passion and energy and all this fight in us?

 Then slowly the balloon flies through the air as the air deflates.

All of a sudden you realize you're in a very different season of life, one that you could never dream of or fantasize about. A season of no balance and daily survival. My balloon deflates and I begin to wonder if I'll ever get a grasp on this new role of motherhood. It hasn't even sunk in we'll be bringing home a new baby in less than 5 weeks. Do we call this pregnancy brain? Do I ever find balance again? 

I want to be fully here in this moment in this day. I'm tired of the hazy fog, feeling deflated and fuzzy. I want to be awake for my life. 

I regain my breath and start on a new day. I use our anniversary to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Because the truth is every season of life is going to offer a different sweetness and bring with it new challenges, and that's where you find the beautiful.