I want to speak life into this sensitive (and controversial!) topic and hopefully encourage some of my lovely readers. I naively thought breastfeeding was going to happen easily for me because that's what I wanted to do and that's what I was going to do. That was that. People told me good luck as they smirked, others told me to keep trying as if they held a secret.
God made breastfeeding, there was no other option for me, or so I thought. But . . . .
I'm told 80% of women have some sort of breastfeeding drama.
There are 5 breastfeeding personality types for babies. Asher is an "ineffective excited" eater. He wiggles and moves to show he's hungry and then he latches lazy. My milk was there but he wasn't getting it and then was left dissatisfied. He was losing weight more and more by the day.
Some of you have lots of kids and have this breastfeeding thing down, some of you lucky ladies have an over-supply of milk, some of you slowly dry up (like me). It was a long month of agonizing nights, throwing the pump off in frustration, crying with Asher in my arms because my baby wasn't getting what he needed. I was down to drops as I was pumping and he wasn't staying on the breast for more than 5 minutes. Something had to be done.
So we went to the Dr. and the Lactation Consultant every day for a week to try different plans and check his weight. I prayed and cried and prayed some more. I was determined to breastfeed. I was forced to pull out the bottle and supplement until things turned around. Maybe you can relate, maybe not, but that was a hard moment.
I felt like a failure.
But I kept trying him on the breast for a few minutes every feeding, pumping, supplementing and taking Fenugreek.
Here we are going into week 6 and my miracle happened.
My few drops turned into 3 oz.
Asher is not fully breastfeeding but he is half the time and our quiet nights are a precious time I wouldn't give up.
I don't know why it's such a challenge if it's supposed to be so natural and God designed mothers and babies to breastfeed, it makes no sense to me, but I'm learning it's another thing in life I have to surrender to God and learn to trust him with the trial.
I'm not keeping a secret when I say keep trying, but I really do encourage you to keep trying. Asher looks for the breast now and the couple times a day we breastfeed are so special. I'm not abundantly supplied but I wasn't ready to give up completely and I wouldn't trade our moments we share now for anything. All the struggle was worth it.
Maybe next baby will be a perfect eater if there is such a baby ;)
Do you struggle with breastfeeding? Do you feel alone in your struggle?
Heidi
ReplyDeleteI, like you, wonder how this "natural", God designed thing of breastfeeding can be so hard and bring us as mothers to our knees pleading with God to make it work. I have three children and breastfeeding with each child has been different...never exactly "easy". With my first born I thought it was a lot of inexperience on my part...but in reality I think that there were other physical things going on. I blamed myself a lot. In the end I breastfed him until he was two. With my second child I thought that breastfeeding would be so much easier. It was a little bit, there were still struggles. The biggest difference for me with my second was that I was so much more comfortable with the process. I breastfed her until she was almost two. Now my third, oh boy! Breastfeeding just wouldn't work...no matter what I did. I gave it 110% for almost 2 months and finally gave in. I felt like a complete failure. I cried for months afterward. My husband was understanding, my breastfeeding mom friends were kind....but I really had trouble shaking the guilt I felt. I never really got the chance to nurse my third (I still cry as I type...he is one), but I love him just as much as my other two. In fact I can see God's hand throughout it all...through my experience of breastfeeding each child I have learned to trust God's faithfulness and to allow Him to provide as He sees fit.
Sarah Curtis
I hear you Sarah. It's not easy as a mom and I was walking into blindly I feel like. I've come to accept that some milk is better than no milk and formula is just as good if no milk happens. Truth is God knows what each baby needs and all that matters is that we mamas bond with our babies any way we can. Breastfeeding is the natural way to bond but there are other ways. Thanks for sharing!
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